Scream With Me People!
by sugarcone
Summary: A little oneshot i wrote in my spare time...The food of Hogwarts has been spiked with crack by the houselves! the results are....comedic?


Scream With Me People!

"Lily!" A voice called, the voice belonged to Lily's best friend and resident genius of Hogwarts; Amanda Wellings.

"Amanda!" Lily yelled back. The two girls ran to each other, held hands and commenced in their ritual of jumping up and down repeatedly.

"Weee!" Amanda giggled

"Weee-ER!" Lily giggled back.

Giggle, giggle, giggle.

"Prongs! You big old bag of gayness!" Sirius yelled. He ran down the stairs to his bestfriend, who was just leaving the Great Hall.

"Padfoot! You great pillar of sexiness!" James yelled back. They too, ran open-armed into each other. Only these two, instead of jumping, twirled around in circles, holding hands. For it was THEIR ritual.

"Jamesie!"

"Siriusie!"

"Jamesie!"

"Siriusie!"

"You're both fags." Remus said, kicking them both in the old family jewels.

"Aww."

"Awwwie aww awwwwww awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwiiiie"

"Sirius, you're weird, even by my standards." Peter joined in. He was quickly silenced though when he recieved a kick to the nuts as well. Another day in the life of Remus The Almighty Ball Kicker.

"My work here is done." Remus said solemnly, looking over his three bestfriends, who were rolling in the floor in pain. He went over to Lily and Amanda to jump and down with them too.

Giggle, giggle, man giggle, giggle.

As was the usual routine. Well, not really. Normally, Remus kicked at least 10 people's nuts before joining Lily and Amanda in their jumping and giggling and happy girl-ness.

"Lily! My balls call out in pain! But my heart cries for you!" James yelled from the floor. Instantly, Lily stopped jumping and turned around to face him. The lights were dimmed and Lily's eyes were glowing. Most people thought: 'Oh God, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!'. But no, James, in his twisted Marauder Lily-obsessed mind thought 'Oh God she's sexy."

"Potter, you insolent toerag." Lily spat. Not literally, that would be disgusting.

"Lily, you are the light of my life." James smiled.

"Potter, you are the scum on my shoe." The dark aura around her was increasing, Remus and Amanda stopped giggling, Peter stopped groveling and Sirius was still hot.

"Lily! Your voice, its so heavenly and beautiful!" James laughed.

"I want you dead Potter. D-E-A-D." Lily hissed, her voice low and dangerous.

"My balls!" Peter said in a squeaky voice very much like his own.

"You have balls?" Sirius asked.

"Actually, no." Peter stood up and walked away. Sirius, astounded by this new piece of information did something he did almost everyday; he tried to make out with Amanda.

"Black! Get off me!" Amanda said.

"Amanda! Why won't you love me?" Sirius pouted.

"Because you're weird."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"REMUS! KICK HIS NUTS AGAIN PLEASE!"

"No! Nevermind Mandy dear, I'll just walk away."

"I'd like it better if you crawled away." Amanda said thoughtfully.

"How about limped?" James supplied when Lily's aura grew ever darker.

"Inched away on your belly like a worm?" Amanda suggested.

"Hmm, care to demonstrate?" Sirius asked

"I can't Black, besides the fact that I don't want to. I am also wearing a skirt." Amanda said, stating the obvious.

"So?" Sirius reasoned

"REMMY!" Amanda yelled again.

"Hey!" Sirius yelled "Only Marauders can call Remus Remmy!"

"Ok." Amanda shrugged. Behind her, Lily was giving her patented Lily Evans' Stare Of Death, Doom and so on.

This stare was among other patented stares owned by our friends. Like Sirius Black's I Know I'm Sexy And I Know You Want Me So Lets Go Find A Broomcloset Because I Know You Can't Resist Me Stare.

Also there was James Potter's Why Won't Lily Love Me Even Though I Have Dedicated My Teenage Years To Her And Even Built A Shrine In Her Honor But She Still Doesn't Notice Me. Oh And Snape Is A Loser Stare.

And Amanda's I'm Superior So Ha. Go Cry In A Hole Or Kill Yourself It Won't Make Much Difference To The World Stare.

And Remus' I'm Such A Nerd But A Bad Boy. I'm A Bad Nerd Boy Stare.

And Peter's I Like Barbies Stare.

Also Severus' I Am Not A Homo No Matter What James And Sirius Say, Do Not Believe Them For They Are Lying Gits. Also, Peter, You Stole My Barbie Stare.

"Potter!" Lily yelled.

"Yes my flower? Dearie? Honeybuns? Sugar glazed donut with sprinkles on the side, served with hot coffee and the morning news?" James asked, perking up. Which was quite hard, seeing as he was already quite perked that Lily was talking to him and that her evil aura that sucked life and happy and turned them into sadness and kiwis looked very hot for him.

"I am not any of those things." Lily said

"Then will you be my girlfriend?" James asked

"Oh Jamesie! Of course! I'd love to! Why didn't you ask sooner?" Lily hugged him, her aura dissapearing and dozens of kiwis falling from the roof. Not just kiwis though, they were _unhappy_ kiwis.

"Lilykins, I did ask you, like a buzillion times." James said. He was so super duper calliuper scooper pooper happy that Lily agreed to be his.

"Nu uh. You just asked me to go out with you. Not to be your girlfriend." Lily explained, as if it were obvious.

"What's the difference?" James asked, confused.

"Going out is something boyfriends and girlfriends do, now that I'm your girlfriend though, I'd be thrilled to go out with you."

"WEEEEEEEEE!" James yelled, startling several passer bys.

Sirius and Amanda were watching. Remus had disappered into the shadows. Ooooh ahhhh.

"Oh Mandy! Be mine!" Sirius said, jumping on her in slow motion.

"Eww, not a chance Black." Then, Amanda, seeing that Remus wasn't around kicked Black in his man parts by herself. She was so proud.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwww. My poor nutsack!" Sirius cried, for the second time today.

At that moment, they heard something that made their blood freeze, their bones shake, their drool to fall.

They heard...

A man giggle.


End file.
